


Homosexual Coding in Children's Christmas Programming of the 1970s

by RembrandtsWife



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Gen, building a snowman, chowder has never seen snow, hermie is gay, heteronormativity in children's programming, homosexual coding, rankin and bass christmas specials, shitty is high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 14:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8847919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RembrandtsWife/pseuds/RembrandtsWife
Summary: Why *were* all those Christmas specials so incredibly gay?





	

"You've really never made a snowman, Bittle?"

Still hovering on the Haus porch, Bitty surveyed the expanse of snow that was their lawn, the lax bros' lawn, and the entire campus of Samwell. "Have you ever seen that Christmas show, 'The Year without a Santa Claus'?"

"Yeah!" Holster chimed in. He paused while shovelling some snow into a heap to burst into song. "'He's Mr. Heat Miser, he's Mr. Sun!'" He had a surprisingly good tenor voice.

"That's the one," Bitty agreed.

"Man, that show was gay," Ransom said.

"*All* those Rankin and Bass Christmas shows were fuckin' gay." Shitty came out onto the porch, coffee in one hand, reefer in the other, wearing a hat with ear flaps, flip-flops, and no pants. "'I'm a dentist', fuck, Hermie is so coded gay it hurts."

"Shitty, put some goddamn pants on," Lardo said, coming up the cleared walk with two festive red cups in hand. "Bits, I brought you a peppermint mocha."

"Hallelujah, I am SAVED!" He drained his Haus coffee and clapped his mittened hands for joy. "Anyway, 'The Year without a Santa Claus', there was this town in Georgia that had never seen snow? That was my childhood. Snowmen were magical creatures that came alive on tv." He took the cup Lardo handed him and sipped gratefully.

"The evil magician in 'Frosty' is coded gay, too," Shitty observed. Lardo put down her cup on the porch railing and shoved him with both hands on his chest.

"Put on some winter clothes, brah. I'm not treating your cracked and swelling toes for frostbite."

Shitty passed off his toke to Lardo and went inside. Jack, Holster, and Ransom meanwhile had created a considerable heap of snow that they were beginning to separate into sections. 

"Why *is* so much stuff from childhood so fucking gay?" Ransom asked the air. "Everybody jokes about 'The Wizard of Oz,' yeah, but you ever seen 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?"

Bitty squealed, "Ooh, ooh," and then clapped his hand over his mouth. Squealing with excitement was not exactly hockey bro behavior. Nobody seemed to care, though.

"Bro, that shit gave me nightmares!" Holster and Ransom bumped fists.

"The child catcher!" Bitty put in, flapping a hand. "Oh my lord, that scared me so much I hid behind the sofa!"

"Bro," Ransom and Holster affirmed.

Jack had produced a ball of snow that looked to Bitty like the base of the snowman. He straightened up, dusting the snow off his gloves. "I've never seen that, but the abominable snowman in Rudolph frightened me."

Bitty laughed. "Really? He's kind of cute, I think." So was the way Jack said "abominable", but Bitty kept that to himself.

"My personal headcanon," said Shitty, stomping down off the porch in weather-appropriate clothes, "is that he and Hermie and Yukon Cornelius formed a threesome and lived happily ever after."

"Bro, what even?"

Lardo snorted. "He's ignoring the heteronormative dance number pairing off Hermie with an unidentified female elf."

"Exactly!"

Lardo patted Bitty's arm. "Come on, Bits, help me dig out some decorations for this probably nonbinary pansexual snow sentient being they're building."


End file.
